i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
