Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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