One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
