I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You're like the curious george of whores
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you never un-have a 4some
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