When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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