uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
