I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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