win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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