I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize