So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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