Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Drake has all the answers
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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