Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
