I am in a vortex of obligation.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
