woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I didn't notice because vodka
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
