Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
A+ Viking dick
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