If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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