i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have aggressive nipples.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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