i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
