your thong is hanging out like whoa
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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