Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
