good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
