i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
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after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize