i wish peter jackson would direct porn
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
