I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
