i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
