so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
