I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
