I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
