I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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