Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
