i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
