I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
