a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
