I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
