It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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