you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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