You just made me feel so damn special
Ambien. No doubt about it.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
