you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
