i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
