I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
