I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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