need another drink. this is the easiest way
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
