8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
