it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
how drunk are you?
Several
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
