Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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