There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
