I accidentally burped into my bong.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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