Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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