he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
