i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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