You're so nebulous sometimes
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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