I think im going to throw up on grandma
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
