just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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