I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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