Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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