did you get engaged???
how can u be prego again
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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