i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
