Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
