Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
