I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
