I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
