Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
