i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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