Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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