I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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