I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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