Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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