Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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