Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We are all done wearing pants today
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
