Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
