I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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