she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
