I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
