she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Barsexuality is the new black.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
