he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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