Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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