the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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