i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
