Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
