i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
