I wish my penis had an off switch
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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