how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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