Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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