I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
