Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
