new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i now understand why vodka
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
