shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
