I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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