Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
